Practice makes Progress
There are many consistent themes in my work as a counselor. One of the primary themes is the one of experimentation and practice. Chances are, you start or continue coming to counseling because there are aspects of your life, relationships, behavior or habits of mind that you wish to change. Changing any or all of these things requires, at first, an experimental approach. To create the change you desire/need we have to go about ways of thinking, behaving and relating that we were not used to. This requires effort and human beings are “effort adverse”, meaning that we humans always prefer the path of least resistance. The change and growth you deserve demands that we go against this adversity and start with putting manageable, more human less Hercules, amounts of effort into new ways of being. Leaving a counselor's office or dropping the pen on your journal in which you just highlighted the ways you want to and could change, and subsequently going about things the same way is guaranteed to perpetuate the dysfunction that causes resistance and suffering in your life. I have attached a Ted Ed video (yes, another one) that profiles how to practice effectively in relation to physical skill. However, all of the aspects of proper physical practice can be translated to mindset tensing, cognitive reframing and self-compassion skills.
Here are the quick hit bullets of the video:
Effective practice requires regular daily repetition. You can not just try something for a day or two and then claim “it didn’t work”. It takes time to create new pathways in the brain, especially when the old ones have become superhighways of dysfunctional patterns .
Visualization is a superpower we all have. If you can take time to visualize the person you want to become, the relationship you want with a partner, the lifestyle you wish to adhere to, ex cetera; the brain doesn’t know that you aren’t actually doing the thing. Get more practiced repetition in by visualizing the change you deserve.
Take breaks. You do not, and probably should not, go about the change you desire like a dog on a bone. Relentless pursuit is an ideal that is potentially counterproductive here. Take frequent breaks throughout your efforts to recharge your capacity to commit, slow and steady beats fast a furious.
Change is difficult no getting around that, and needs to be difficult to be valuable. You will get in your own way from time to time.
Let’s talk, you deserve it,
TM