Shedding the belief of "Not Good Enough"
Allow yourself and moment to take in a deep inhale and long complete exhale (i'll wait). Now, pay attention to your reaction to this sentence, “You are enough and worthy of unconditional acceptance”. So….what came up? Chances are if you are like the millions of us out there that struggle with low self-worth, your reaction to this sentence ranged from trepidatious agreement to outright denial and resistance. The fact of the matter is your right to self-acceptance is undeniable and learning to believe in your unconditional self-worth is the strongest foundation we can build to fortify your effort to manage anxiety, depression and overall integrative wellness. In the linked Ted Talk, Adia Gooden outlines a 4 step approach to practicing the skill of self-worth and shedding the illusion of “not good enough”. I have added a few challenges to her steps that I think may be helpful, give the video a look, practice the steps daily and lets build your ability to accept yourself together!
Self worth (different from abilities and competencies) “you deserve to be alive” is different from self esteem (labile, state dependent). Leading cause of ill health and disability is depression. What expectations to do have to meet until you can allow yourself to feel worthy: LIST, are they rational. Self worth tied to accomplishments or achievements? What would you find the courage to do it your self-worth wasn't at stake? What would you stop doing if you knew you were already worthy?
4 Daily Steps to Increase Unconditional Self- Worth
Forgive Yourself -Make a list and mistakes or errors you feel guilty for and then acknowledge that you are/were responsible for these errors. Then, and most importantly, explicitly write yourself a sentence of forgiveness targeted to each mistake. BONUS: write next to the sentence of forgiveness the lesson you learned from that mistake.
Practice Self-Acceptance - Let go of how you “should be”. List your “should be” (I should be thinner, richer, more happy, etc”) and then reflect on how your life would different if you didn't have to be that person you expect yourself to be. BONUS: Identify 5 aspects of self you can embrace now or can learn to embrace daily
Be there for yourself when life gets rough - for 3 minutes daily, close your eyes and place one hand on you heart and one had on your belly and repeat one of the two phrases; “I see you and I am here OR I love you and I am listening”. If neither of these phrases resonate with you, find a soothing sentence that brings a felt sense of compassion to your body.
Connect to supportive people - Isolation is the enemy in the battle for increasing your feelings of wellness. Find 1-3 people that you can connect with weekly and make it a point to spend time with these people. BONUS: connect with these people especially when you don't feel like it (trust me).
Lasty, this journey towards unconditional self-worth is a daily practice and not a destination where you arrive and stop working, but put in the reps and you will see the growth. You deserve it, I promise.